I need to be out (completely) by March because I learned that Brad is going to a gay bar after he turns 18 in March, and I fully intend to go with him.
He is. I think it was asked a while ago. =] Plus, he doesn't have much of other personal information about him so it's not like he has a huge chance of being found out.
By the way, when's your birthday? (which month, if you don't want to be specific.)
Here's the thing I'm hoping you are asking yourself as you continue on your way out; why is it imporant for you to seek approval from strangers first? Acceptance is one thing. Approval is something else.
That said, you continue to come out on your own terms, not anyone else's. Just don't confuse the two.
Oooh! I'm sorry - but there are some not very supportive people leaving comments just here just now!
Jason - you're right! More than than WELCOME to an honest lifestyle!
And yes I CAN talk! Once I started I never looked back and I've had NO bad experiences as a result - despite what some Moaning Minnies would have us believe!
I think you've just found one of the best reasons for coming out - someone else!
I just encourage you to do whatever you feel you need to do. If you don't feel comfortable going to a gay bar before you have come completely out-- then maybe you should. For me, my sexuality is my business, so I don't go out of my way to let people know unless it comes up or is necessary. And I go to gay bars all the time-- many are fun....many are depressing. Go to a nice one :-)
It always seemed to be a bit pathetic that people feel compelled to socialize in bars. I wonder how many people met a good partner in a bar? I remember going to a reception for a couple that met in a bar. All the people there were inveterate bar flies, and their conversation was unremittingly cheerful stream of atomized and homogenized aphorisms. After about five minutes it became clear that this wasn't just a social mask they had learned to don. They really were two dimensional people living cliches. You boys be careful. Don't be hustled and don't let anyone spike your drinks.
Wow, what an...errr...interesting set of comments. I think it's a great idea to give yourself a time frame like that. Although once you start coming out to your friends it will probably all happen fairly quickly. Still figuring out how to come out to your brother?
Being able to share that side of Brad's coming out would be awesome!
coming out is a good goal. Your life will be better in the long run the sooner you come out. Not necessarily easier right away, but in the long run you definetely won't regret it. You'll surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are and that will help you become a better person. As for the gay bar thing, gay bars can be kinda lame... They're not all they're cracked up to be in my opinion. they tend to attract a certain type of guy. Anyways, Good luck
I strongly suggest that you don't go to a "gay" bar. There are many leering aholes who might/will try to take advantage of your inexperience. In any event, I have found that "straight" bars have a better caliber of bi/gay patrons....
So have you decided on a game plan on how to let your friends know and have you finally told your twin? I am glad to see you are gaining confidence with your decision to be out. Good luck
ive been to a gay bar with my lesbian friend and it was one of the most hilarious nights of my life, go early like 930pm so you can look around and find the exits and bathrooms and such and say hi to everyone, dont worry about drinks being spiked since ur not 21 anyway but drink before you enter, its best to keep an open mind cuz you def would see quite some interesting things...btw their bathrooms are so clean!
I don't know what gay bars these people above are going to. In my experience there are two types of gay bars: the 'neighborhood bar' and the 'gay dance bar'.
The neighborhood bars are the ones that I stay away from. They are typically small, have a set of 'regulars' who are 40-somethings, and do karaoke or really bad drag shows on the weekends. There is nothing wrong with this, but I'm just not in that stage of life, and this just seems a bit seedy and lonely.
The dance club/bars are much more fun, but you have to find the right ones. In smaller towns the neighborhood and 'dance' bars are combined and that is just double awful (sorry mississippi), but the larger the city, the more likely you are to have many kinds of both. Hopefully, you have a nice, clean gay dance club where all the college guys go. If you're in Nashville, I am thinking of club Play. If you're in Atlanta, I'm thinking of the 'Wet Bar' (although I think its closed now). These are nice, clean bars with fun young people. There is such a tremendous energy, it's great. They typically have awesome drag shows on the weekends, and the whole thing is fun. And TBH there are always straight guys there too (with girlfriends) so you would have somewhat of an excuse if you weren't out and got spotted.
Of course you have to be 'careful' wherever you go, and I would choose a stall if you're not comfortable with people blatantly trying to check you out in the bathroom-- but it's not like there are nasty old men just perched every 10 feet with 'roaming' fingers.
Bars and clubs aren't for everyone, but this idea that they are all bad or seedy is just naive, and typically held by people who have never been.
I hope you have fun, and I can't wait to hear the details!
@tyler there are plenty of bars who let 18-21 year olds in, but they can't drink. It kind of depends on the state and whether they allow smoking, etc.
17 comments:
Hi, are you using an alias? Because if you're not you are very googleable.
Good point that. If you want to control your coming out, be careful promoting your blog online.
He is. I think it was asked a while ago. =] Plus, he doesn't have much of other personal information about him so it's not like he has a huge chance of being found out.
By the way, when's your birthday? (which month, if you don't want to be specific.)
Here's the thing I'm hoping you are asking yourself as you continue on your way out; why is it imporant for you to seek approval from strangers first? Acceptance is one thing. Approval is something else.
That said, you continue to come out on your own terms, not anyone else's. Just don't confuse the two.
Oooh! I'm sorry - but there are some not very supportive people leaving comments just here just now!
Jason - you're right! More than than WELCOME to an honest lifestyle!
And yes I CAN talk! Once I started I never looked back and I've had NO bad experiences as a result - despite what some Moaning Minnies would have us believe!
I think you've just found one of the best reasons for coming out -
someone else!
I just encourage you to do whatever you feel you need to do. If you don't feel comfortable going to a gay bar before you have come completely out-- then maybe you should. For me, my sexuality is my business, so I don't go out of my way to let people know unless it comes up or is necessary. And I go to gay bars all the time-- many are fun....many are depressing. Go to a nice one :-)
It always seemed to be a bit pathetic that people feel compelled to socialize in bars. I wonder how many people met a good partner in a bar?
I remember going to a reception for a couple that met in a bar. All the people there were inveterate bar flies, and their conversation was unremittingly cheerful stream of atomized and homogenized aphorisms. After about five minutes it became clear that this wasn't just a social mask they had learned to don. They really were two dimensional people living cliches.
You boys be careful. Don't be hustled and don't let anyone spike your drinks.
Wow, what an...errr...interesting set of comments. I think it's a great idea to give yourself a time frame like that. Although once you start coming out to your friends it will probably all happen fairly quickly. Still figuring out how to come out to your brother?
Being able to share that side of Brad's coming out would be awesome!
Such a diverse set of comments left behind.
If you feel you need to come out to go to the gay bar then go ahead.
If that's what you need to do to have fun then go ahead and do it.
Who knows you might find a school mate who was always gay and liked you but didn't know if you were.
Either way have fun and take care
...dont u have to be 21 to go to a bar in the usa?
interesting but bars, blah...
Anyway it is a start. If nothing else.
One thing is certain: Going to a gay bar as a prerequisite to coming out hasn't changed in the years since I was a teen.
coming out is a good goal. Your life will be better in the long run the sooner you come out. Not necessarily easier right away, but in the long run you definetely won't regret it. You'll surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are and that will help you become a better person.
As for the gay bar thing, gay bars can be kinda lame... They're not all they're cracked up to be in my opinion. they tend to attract a certain type of guy.
Anyways,
Good luck
I strongly suggest that you don't go to a "gay" bar. There are many leering aholes who might/will try to take advantage of your inexperience. In any event, I have found that "straight" bars have a better caliber of bi/gay patrons....
So have you decided on a game plan on how to let your friends know and have you finally told your twin? I am glad to see you are gaining confidence with your decision to be out. Good luck
ive been to a gay bar with my lesbian friend and it was one of the most hilarious nights of my life, go early like 930pm so you can look around and find the exits and bathrooms and such and say hi to everyone, dont worry about drinks being spiked since ur not 21 anyway but drink before you enter, its best to keep an open mind cuz you def would see quite some interesting things...btw their bathrooms are so clean!
I don't know what gay bars these people above are going to. In my experience there are two types of gay bars: the 'neighborhood bar' and the 'gay dance bar'.
The neighborhood bars are the ones that I stay away from. They are typically small, have a set of 'regulars' who are 40-somethings, and do karaoke or really bad drag shows on the weekends. There is nothing wrong with this, but I'm just not in that stage of life, and this just seems a bit seedy and lonely.
The dance club/bars are much more fun, but you have to find the right ones. In smaller towns the neighborhood and 'dance' bars are combined and that is just double awful (sorry mississippi), but the larger the city, the more likely you are to have many kinds of both. Hopefully, you have a nice, clean gay dance club where all the college guys go. If you're in Nashville, I am thinking of club Play. If you're in Atlanta, I'm thinking of the 'Wet Bar' (although I think its closed now). These are nice, clean bars with fun young people. There is such a tremendous energy, it's great. They typically have awesome drag shows on the weekends, and the whole thing is fun. And TBH there are always straight guys there too (with girlfriends) so you would have somewhat of an excuse if you weren't out and got spotted.
Of course you have to be 'careful' wherever you go, and I would choose a stall if you're not comfortable with people blatantly trying to check you out in the bathroom-- but it's not like there are nasty old men just perched every 10 feet with 'roaming' fingers.
Bars and clubs aren't for everyone, but this idea that they are all bad or seedy is just naive, and typically held by people who have never been.
I hope you have fun, and I can't wait to hear the details!
@tyler
there are plenty of bars who let 18-21 year olds in, but they can't drink. It kind of depends on the state and whether they allow smoking, etc.
Much Love,
Steve
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