In my mind, everything works so perfectly. I go over the scenario over and over, and it always ends well, but for some reason I get too nervous to speak.
This is like the 4th time I've tried and failed. My nervousness is completely irrational because I am not concerned about how my parents will react. I just simply become nervous.
I'm very annoyed because I can't come out tomorrow night (they have some function), and I am usually out on Saturday nights, so that only leaves Sunday night. Next week is a no go because my mom will be out of town.
I really wanted to come out, because I am sick of being in the closet. I just want people to accept me for who I am and I don't want to lie anymore.
I guess I'll just wait for the next perfect opportunity, and hopefully I will have the guts to go through with it.
19 comments:
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Don't be so hard on yourself. Coming out can be and often is very difficult - even if you know things will go well. The nervousness of telling people can just be a huge deal.
There may be no such thing as a "next perfect opportunity," but seize the next opportunity that you think will work.
Best of luck man. *Hugs*
Jason, you're not a wimp for struggling to come out to your parents. It's not easy for anyone, and especially at your age, I commend you for making such a brave decision. I get nervous talking to my parents about much less consequential matters!
When the right moment comes, you'll know and you'll do what you planned to do. And if not, at least you'll have an interesting "coming out story" to share for the rest of your life. Take it easy; I think you're doing fine.
First of all, you are not a wimp. Don't beat yourself up about not having the courage to talk to them about your innermost feelings - it's an ubiquitous problem. Maybe the better strategy is to take advantage of a random opportunity to spring the news - don't try to plan the perfect situation. Planning a situation then wigging seems to stress you out and adds to your frustration.
I agree with AEK - don't be so hard on yourself. Given how beautifully you write and articulate your thoughts - maybe a letter isn't a bad idea. You can take the time to get it all just right, and then leave it for them or hand it to them as they go out for the evening. Since you're not scared about reactions and it's something you just want to get out of the way, but in a special and controlled way, maybe a letter isn't such a bad idea. Print it on some nice paper or even better, hand write it out. Just a thought...
I told my parents on a weekend visit home after I'd moved out. I still remember that actually picking the moment to start the conversation had a couple of false starts!
It's not simple - unless you set something up. Perhaps you could offer to make lunch or a coffee and biscuits at the usual time or something which would get them focussed on you.
Dunno - but it's certainly true that if they're reading or watching something on tv or whatever, then it's one deep breath after another and still you and me wouldn't say anything!
I think you need to 'make' the situation and then you'll have the stage to yourself.
Good luck!
I agree with Micky.
Make sure to dictate the situation, you decide and lead the conversation.
Sunday, Oct. 11th, is National Coming Out Day so perfect time to bring up the subject and I think once they hear those first words, they can kinda guess where you're going and it makes it so much easier.
"It's so much easier to just say "yes" as opposed to "I'm gay"
If they're expecting it, I think it will be easier on you.
FMS
You're hardly a coward mate, something like this is going to be difficult for anyone. Heck, I contemplated enough coming out situations to fill a book, but in the end, it was a spontaneous decision. I came out to my mom on Tuesday after I suddenly decided that it was "time". And like what goleftatthefork said, maybe you should contemplate coming out in a letter. That's what I ended up doing after I just couldn't get myself to do so in conversation and everything worked out just fine. Wishing you the best of luck in coming out.
All the best,
Phil
awwww sadness
You are not a wimp. Our psyche has its own mode to deal with topics. Are you able to name these reasons why you get too nervous to speak to your parents?
Your mind is prepared to speak with your parents but may be your psyche at the moment is not prepared yet to speak about.
It helps to get to know these reasons.
Do not emphasize to much about I have to come out to my parents right now. It'll come. You will tell them because you already decided to do so.
RR
My good wishes are with you! Why does this kind of a thing have to be so hard? You are braver than you give yourself credit for.
I used to worry about that all the time, but now I am 51 and still not out to my parents, now in their seventies.
They must know, cos my brother (49) and I have never married or had girlfriends, while my sister married and has 3 children plus the kids from her hubbys previous marriage.
Somehow, the situation with my brother and I has never been mentioned and I kinda like it that way.
Jason, maybe write them a letter. That will be a ice breaker for further talk. Good luck how ever you do it . Your not weak this is a very hard thing to do. Hang it there Man.
To be totally honest, I don't think you a coward at all. You are choosing to come out in your teen years. I don't think you realize what great amount of courage that takes in anyone's life.
If anything, I think many of us admire you for having the courage to decide to take that leap.
When you are ready, the words will flow and you will be able to express your thoughts and feeling to your parents.
Wishing you all the best!
Thought this might interest you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28ubasRjN5M
Thanks for your support. You guys are so amazing. What would I do without you?
Jason
Hugs man it not an easy thing to do but when you are ready im sure you will find your voice
take care and be safe
bob
the right moment will come.
I wish i'd had the courage to even consider coming out at your age. I was of the opinion that no one would ever know i was gay...ever. I can't even formulate the words needed to describe how angry i am at myself for being afraid to be myself back then. That fear cost me almost 20 years of my life, and at this late stage there is no making that up. You are not a wimp by any stretch of the imagination. You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to even contemplate coming out. Even if you knew with 100% certainty that your parents would be 100% accepting (which they probably will), it's still a big step. I'm proud of you. Give yourself some credit my friend. Best wishes!
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