- We are fraternal twins
- I am 100% sure that he is straight
- He supports gay rights
- I can only assume that he already knows. He is, after all, my twin brother.
And yet, I still can't bring myself to do it. It's just so awkward and uncomfortable. We don't carpool anymore because we both drive to school. The only thing I can think of is walking into his room and saying, "we need to talk."
That goes against all normal behavior. We respect each other's rooms and try to maintain that.
Also, another issue comes up after telling him:
What if he isn't trustworthy? He isn't usually malicious, but he can be given to "getting revenge" on me, and who knows what path that may take. Being outed by my twin would be pretty bad, and if it seems inevitable, I will be pressured into pre-emptively telling my friends.
16 comments:
Jason,
You know your brother more than anyone here ever could. You have had 17 years of getting to know him.
Ultimately, no one can tell you when is the best time to have the talk with your brother. We can only offer our experiences and our support.
This is a decision that can only be made, and should only be made by you. Go with your instincts.
We are always here to support you in whatever you decide to do.
- JC
He would have to be pretty mean to actually start outing you to your friends. Since it's such a serious issue I don't think he would but you know him best.
Before you drifted apart was there something that you guys used to do together? Fishing or hiking or riding bikes or legos or whatever? Maybe use that as an opening - get engaged in something that you bonded over in the past and then just tell him? Do it over lunch at a place you used to go as kids ... idk just a thought
I honestly don't think anyone can give you a comfortable way of telling your brother that you are gay, my only question is do you think it would be better coming from you than over hearing your parents talk about it? If your house is anything like mine was sooner or later he is going to hear your parents talking about you or one of them may just slip in conversation. Have ever and when ever you tell him remember you have had a while to adjust to being gay and it may take him a little while so be patient, he may have some uncomfortable questions to ask you.
Like others said, you'll need to weigh those plusses and minuses carefully. But I agree with loki - it would probably be better if you told him directly. Knock on his bedroom door one evening, take it something seriously to sit down and discuss with him, not an off-hand passing thing.
And yes, I would hope he would have enough respect and maturity to accept you for you.
What is this? The Night of the Long Knives? Irrespective of your past difficulties, you should tell him as Lokki advises because your parents already know and it is better done sooner than later. If you are serious in your demeanor, and enjoin him to keep it within the family until you decide to tell anyone else, he will probably honor the request. That is, if he has any decency and maturity at all.
I do not want to sound like a broken record, so I wont.
Do you even want him to know?
If you answer yes to that question then stop thinking about it and just do it. There is no way it can be harder than telling your parents.
And if you are not ready or willing to tell him, then I suggest keeping it a secret for now and thinking about it more in a few weeks.
You seem like you are stressing about it way too much. You are gonna get yourself sick over it.
Lots of love,
Ryan
jason
Ok so if he suspects it then it should go easy. I dont believe i have the perfect answer but if you are concenred about his telling others then its has to be a concern.
I would discuss such a concern with your parents if you base waiting on it so they understand your approach
Ok i know he is your twin and maybe closer than me and my brother but i could never tell him either so i fully understand and in th eend its your life and share it how you see fit
But if you are coming out to others then he should still know before others if fo rno other reason than courtesy
wish you luck my friend, take care and be safe
bob
One of my best friends recently had her little brother (there's 14 months between the two of them) come out to her. She says she already knew anyway.
The rest of the family doesn't know, but she says there is such an obvious difference now. They're a lot closer, and he's a lot more comfortable and happy in general.
I'm not saying it's something you should do, just sharing a story for you to consider.
I bet he'd be pretty peeved if he wasn't the first to know though. Supportive siblings are kinda like that.
OK you respect the room of your brother. That's fine. But does that include you aren't allowed to knock on his door and tell him for example “May I come in? I like to tell you something important about myself. Do you have time to listen?”
It is just normal brothers know how to annoy each other but brothers do love and defend each other also normally. Did you have a lot of showdowns with your brother during the last years that you doubt he isn't trustworthy? You told already he supports gay rights. May be he does because he knows already that you are gay. Why should he take revenge on you telling others hey man, listen my twin is gay? It does not make sense to me. I guess it is just an apprehension and will not come true.
RR
What to do?
Maybe Realize there is risk everywhere all th time.
If he outs u what would the rents do? How would HIS friends react if he did? I BET THEY MIGHT THINK HE WAS AN ASS?
I understand u r th "good" twin. Studious, serious as needed, off to Yale, etc.
This might affect those complimentary roles. IDK...
And at 18 the male brain is usually nearly fully developed, thus the almost radical difference between 9th and 12 graders. Like from different planets. Some males need longer, like 22 or 40! We all know one. Have u seen any changes in him this year?
I wish you well, jason. I know how "stuck" you were b4 telling the rents. U survived that.
If he gets awful just shake your head slightly, let him see tears (?) and walk out. Leave him to stew in his own juices and tell th rents by phone u think?
::hugs::
steevo in cali
The only thing I can add is that if you think it would help insure that he keeps quiet about it, you could ask him to keep it between the two of you and your parents until further notice and maybe mention your mom's concern on that score. You might add that you may tell some of your friends later, but you'd like them to hear it from you, not from him or through the grapevine, so you can talk it over with them and address any questions they might have.
I'm 26, my brother's 30 and married. I still don't tell him anything important because he isn't trustworthy either. Some people never grow up. Thankfully, we now live 12 time zones apart.
Hey Dude! I'm glad I stumbled upon your blog because I'm also a closeted dude but I've actually decided to start coming out. It's bee hard and I'm so glad I'm finding some people who are going through the same things, it doesn't make me feel so alone.
Check out my blog when you get the chance, and let's help each other get through all this :)
My brother was seven years older than me and heck that's a big difference. We shared very little except for our parents and brilliant older sister.
I told him in the middle of a convo the next time I saw him after I'd told my parents. I believed I could not lie to my brother and sister any more than I could to my parents.
If he should throw a wobbly your parents will back you up and help you. I will be amazed if he does!
Come on! Hold me hand and let's go and do it!
you should also look at the other side of the coin. If you don't tell him then he may wonder later why you did not. Though it is difficult to know someone's reaction ahead of time. As you say he is your twin so go with your feeling.
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