I've decided to come out to my parents and then come out to my closest friends. I am 85% sure that my parents will take it pretty well. Also, I have already come out to my friend, Sally, so I can talk to her if I have issues. She is great because she lives really far away but she is still my best friend.
Also, she is totally comfortable with me being gay. I am the third person to come out to her, so this is not new for her. I really like talking to her because I can say whatever I want and not worry because she already knows I'm gay. I feel like it gives me a license to say whatever I want, and I really like it.
After telling my parents, I will probably tell my closest friends all at once. The issue is that we are always together. I am never with one of my friends in a one-on-one situation. There is always at least 3 of us hanging out together, so coming out to them individually would be difficult. What might happen is I tell Friend A, but I don't get a chance to tell Friend B for another 2 weeks, which would be bad.
Telling friends is going to be super awkward, but I can't think of a way to get around it. What is the best way to bring it up? Should I just wait for the conversation to give me some segue-way into it? Should I just wait for a break in the conversation and then bring it up?
As for telling the parents, I think I will tell my mom first. I am much closer to her, and she and I often spend hours talking late into the night. We usually talk about politics and news and how our days went. I think I will do this sometime soon because both my parents are taking vacation from work right now, so we could have time to talk about it.
As for the actual statement, I could either wait for the conversation to give me a segue-way or I could just bring it up. Steevo also suggested writing out a letter/speech so I can remind myself what to talk about or read off it if things get difficult. What do you think needs to be said in addition to “I'm gay”?
15 comments:
What did you have in mind? Pulling out the text of your speech and reading it to her? Just tell her you have something serious to talk to her about, and then just tell her you're gay. That's all you need to say, because the next thing to happen will be that she will start asking your questions like, "Are you sure?", and "When did you know?" When you finish answering her questions you will have to ask how she thinks this should be broached with your dad and siblings. And at the end, be sure to tell her how much you agonized over coming out, and how much you appreciate her understanding and support.
You made the right choice. Your mom is probably the only person you will know in life who will love you unconditionally.
J
at for ur last sentence (question)
i think, asking them if they have any questions- any questions at all, would be good.... so that way you guys can clear up any misconceptions they may get of you due to gay stereotypes, and it can help them understand
all sounds like a good plan to me.
one statement to have in readiness, though i hope you won't need it, is: "i am exactly the same boy that i was yesterday, telling you that i'm gay doesn't make me any different". or words to that effect.
good luck
torchy!
The longer the warm-up the more likely she is (IF she has little idea) to think you've got a girl pregnant - so when you tell her you're gay it'll be a huge shock!
If, as a couple of friends have suggested, your Mum might know (& only you know how close you are to your Mum and what her attitudes are) then, again, the quicker you tell her the easier it will be.
You must tell her it changes nothing between you. You must tell her that you love her and your father and go on from there.
Good luck!
If they have questions, just answer them as best you can....A german priest, woah, I have an Idea but I´m a grave! Propz Pilgrim
A little preparation is a really good idea. Plan for the obvious questions: how do you know/are you sure, when did you realise, why????, is it anything I did wrong(there'll be a little guilt & self-blame for sure). Some reassurance that you've still got strong moral values would be good - you're not about to turn into a teenage slut and get aids or anything.
Maybe lead in with something like, "There's something I've wanted to talk about for a while now, but I haven't known how to bring it up." Then without a pause, if possible, "I've come to realize that I'm attracted to boys rather than girls. I hope you understand this is not something I chose. It's something I have become aware of."
She'll probably ask all the questions you need to take it from there — when did you know, how did you know, are you sure, is it something we did, maybe even do you have a bf?
Hope it goes well.
I think the German priest is wise to stay in the closet. If he came out people would start wondering if he was sexually active and with whom. They'd begin to make rash judgments about him. Some might think it was dangerous to let him be around their sons. So it's much better for him to be in the closet. I hope he is also remaining celibate, which is something he promised when he was ordained and which the heterosexual priests also have to do.
I think the commenters above have said good and valuable things.
To that, I'd add that if you were to write a letter, don't read from it. Give it only if you feel like you should (which you might not need to if all goes well). At the very least the letter will allow you to gather your thoughts in an organized manner. It's good to say that, while you're the same person everyone has always known, hiding this one part of you is something you don't want to do anymore.
As for bringing it up to your friends (and/or parents), say something like "Hey everyone, I have something really important I want to tell you. Please take this very seriously and confidential." Or something like that.
But of course, all that is easier said than done (well, it's not really easy to say - so I suppose easier to think than say or do). Best of luck! We're all behind ya.
Just say to your mother, "Mom, I've known for a long, long time that I'm gay and I don't want to hide it from you any longer. I'm open to questions if you have any." I'll bet she already knows.
--DB
Jason
I hope your parents and friends are accepting as you feel.
what can you say, i have never done it myself so idk but on thing about writing a speech and edited it you are going to know it
im sure you have thought of the words you owant ot use but i hope you remind them you are ok and that you are who you have always been.
remind them you love them and i think the others have said wonderful things. make sure people know this isnt something that just came up and its just part of you
good luck and i hope you find the strengh you need to get htrough this, Many say it helps
take care and be safe
bob
the letter i suggested is only a back up in case jason freaks out, gets a negative response, or just falls apart cuz the emotions r overwhelming. It gives a sense of security for some guys to have this available. He knows that even it worse comes to worse, he can read it or just hand it over and at least get done what needs to be done.
By writing it out, editing it, making sure it covers everything he wants to say, he gets some idea in his mind of the general things to cover.
I know guys who did this and did not need it. a few times tho they did. it is such new territory that it does not hurt to have a plan.
s in c
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In my opinion, you really can't prepare for something as grave as coming out. It's one of those life-changing events that require a smooth flow that only spontaneity can provide. I haven't come out to my parents yet, so I can't offer anything there. But when it comes to close friends, seizing an opportunity was best for me, without planning. Hope this helps,
~Louie
Looks like everything has been nicely covered mate. So instead, I will simply wish you god speed.
Courage and Honour!
Octavius.
When I told my parents that I had something very important to tell them, they said, "oh, you mean about you being gay? We've known about that for some time, and were just waiting for you to tell us."
They were relieved that I didn't have cancer or something.
Since then, it's actually been a very peaceful coexistence: don't ask, don't tell.
Daily life is very normal !
I guess this comment assumes you haven't come out to them yet.
I wrote a letter to my parents and read it to them. I think it's posted somewhere on my blog, if you can't find it let me know. It was sometime around June of last year.
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