I responded by pointing out that boys schools are usually pretty homophobic places (this just from what my friends have told me and from what I've seen. Granted, the two boys schools I have evidence for were in Texas and India).
The conversation continued on with little careless jabs until someone wrote, “I think all gay people should be rounded up, chopped up, and burned,” and someone else added, “I agree.”
I was slightly shocked. I knew that some people thought like this, but I thought that they lived in the the woods and were gripping their shotgun waiting for the government to attack them, not playing Call of Duty.
I responded by saying that was a terrible thing to say, but I was the only person to do so. A few more people agreed, but nobody said anything against the raging homophobes.
This little exchange was a bit of an eye-opening experience for me. I'd never before encountered such beliefs. Sure, I've seen people say that gays are evil and whatnot, but I've never seen such overtly violent feelings towards gays.
This got me to thinking about why some people are so strongly violent against homosexuals. Some people will tell you that they feel this way because they are insecure about their own sexuality, and while this may be true for some of the people that feel this way, I do not believe it is true for everyone.
Statistically, I think there are too many people out there that feel violently toward gays for them to all be insecure. So, why do they believe the things they do? Are they victims of others who preach hatred against gays? Are they seeking a scapegoat for their problems? Are they genuinely fearful of gays, as if we are going to create a great army and attack them?
The plain-old fear idea seems completely incorrect. I mean, you would have to be completely irrational to actually fear gays. Most stereotypically gay men are not the most intimidating men (and the stereotypical gays are the ones these kinds of people usually focus on).
So, any ideas on why people feel this way?
P.S. I love all the comments on I got on this. They were so well written and had so much to say. Thank you so much everyone!
19 comments:
Unfortunately hate is a great unifier! And it's much easier to hate and blame things on "the evils of the world" then to actually do something constructive. Also hate doesn't require an education or knowledge because it's completely irrational/emotional.
Homophobia seems to be last outpost of intollerance that hasn't been shunned or are considered un-politacally correct.
No, It doesn't make sense that the majority would fear us the minority.
But on another note, this is the Internet and having played Call of Duty, Halo 3 online you hear some shit...homophobia, sexism, racism, just because the anonymity of the INternet provides them complete protection from whatever BS they spit out.
I know because I spit out bullshit when I go on, haha. Not about serious topics though like homophobia.
FMS
I guess it’s because people are not all nice and pleasant and some (particular the not so mind gifted) need something strange, unknown or weak (in their eyes), so if they fight it they can feel better, mighty, normal or whatever.
it's guys trying to be macho and hiding behind anonymity. i don't those game lobbies are representative of real-world feelings.
hey i play cod4 on ps3 (sometimes) you can add me if you like: q9zx3x
torchy!
I don't see anything wrong with all the above comments, but I'm still mystified as to WHY people hate gays so much? I mean, tolerance of other people, other religions, other cultures shouldn't really need constructive or active behaviour - tolerance in itself should be enough!
But the vicious approach to gays is so strong, it has to be constructively attacked. I DO feel that religious fundamentalism has a lot to answer for. Not just in the US, by the way!
As for homophobia being the last outpost of intolerance - God, I wish that were so, and that we just had one outpost to attack. Look at the hatred of Jews, Arabs, and the US in different parts of the world.
And of course, with gays, as with many other things, simplification causes an extreme amount of hatred. I disagree strongly with many aspects of Israeli state and government policy, yet I could never possibly bring myself to hate Israelis and/or Jews. I found myself disagreeing vehemently with the George W. Bush government yet, despite the fact that he was elected by a majority of US voters (well......, on one occasion at least...LOL), there is absolutely no way I could hate either the US (which is a most beautiful country) or US people (whom I've found to be among the nicest anywhere. I don't regard homosexuality as a sin or a deviation, not by any means! But even if I did, I would hope I'd have the humanity to separate the sin from the sinner. We were always taught to hate the sin and love the sinner. So even if I DID regard homosexuality as a sin, how could I hate gays?
Hugs and best wishes!
@Formysake: You're right. The anonymity does allow for more shit talk.
@torchy: Nevertheless, I think that the statements come from some underlying feelings that go along the same basis. Also, I play on PC not PS3.
Who were venting this hatred? I guarantee they weren't women. This is what distinguishes homophobia from other monstrous hatreds, such as Nazi anti-semitism and the violent racism of the American South during the
'50's. At the core of these hatreds is fear, fear of a loss of status and degradation, with a little bit of religious nonsense backing that up. So what, then, would cause violent homophobia if it isn't male sexual insecurity? Not to sound too Freudian about it, but the nastiest of homophobes are afraid of their own pan-sexual impulses, and the fear that if they show tolerance their reputation among their peers will suffer drastically. To them gays seem to wield a psychic castration knife. One of the most devastating psychological blows to be sustained by captured solders is not just homosexual rape (which occurs more often than you might imagine), but that many of the victims ejaculate during the act. Our armed forces actually teach recruits that ejaculation is often an involutional event, and that they are not "queer" because it happens. (Yeah) This is cold comfort for the captive, especially if his religious or cultural background is less tolerant than the norms of, say, Fourth Century BCE Greece.
In the early years of professional wrestling, one of the major stars was "Gorgeous George" Wagner, a bad guy wrestler all the latents in his audiences loved to hate. He had platinum blonde hair that he fussed over in the ring, threw gold-plated bobby pins at the crowd, and subdued his opponents with lightning fast wrist flicks. Wagner conceived his wrestling persona after watching the fans and concluding that most of them were sexually insecure and he could make a fortune as a bad wrestler by playing on those fears. He was by far the highest paid wrestler of his time.
I say those declaiming the loudest in your chat rooms are the ones who are deadly afraid they'll get hard if anyone starts stroking their inner thigh.
Carwin, you seem to be pretty tall. I say if you're bulked up enough, and if any of these assholes ever comes up to you and calls out "queer" or "cocksucker", walk up to him with a leering smile on your face, stare him in the eye, and say something like, "Yeah, I'm queer. So are you looking for some action? That's a sweet little ass you have. I'd like a little piece of it." Or something along those lines. These pussies can't stand that sort of response. (Of course, you shouldn't risk it unless you can take care of yourself. Size matters.)
I'm gonna cheat a bit and copy'n'paste part of what I wrote on David's blog yesterday:
In addition to the religious reasons already stated, people hate us because to be gay is to be unmanly. For a male, in the eyes of other males, and of females, to be gay is to be weak. Any male seen as having perhaps some feminine characteristics is seen as pathetic. If other males are seen with this male, they, too, will be suspect, as males are expected to shun homosexual males.
It sucks. And it's completely WRONG.
At even the most basic level, to be openly gay is a sign that one is NOT weak. Of course, heterosexuals do not understand what it's like to be gay in a straight world, so they have no idea how much strength it takes to be openly gay in hostile straight world.
BTW, I am not saying closeted guys are weak; I am saying being open takes a lot of strength.
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If you want to see violent hatred, check the comments on any story dealing with homosexuality on AOL news. It's horrific.
When it was reported the other day that gays are being tortured and slaughtered in Iraq now, one person wrote, "Finally, something good happening in Iraq."
When there was something awhile back about gay teens, suicide and how a particular teen had contemplated jumping from a bridge, one person kept posting again-and-again-and-again, "Do the right thing. Jump."
Stupidity?
sent you an email, since my comment was kinda long.
First, let me compliment you on your great blog. It is very refreshing to see a young man share his life and ask such great guestions.
On the topic of hatred and fear... Churches were supposed to teach love and helping others, but there is no money in that. Today they are here to make huge profits. In order to attract more and get more money they need a 'cause' or enemy to fight. Historically the churches have had lots of groups to go after...women, Jews, communists, blacks, etc. As laws are passed making these groups 'legal' or accepted they move on to the next group.
Gay people are an almost 'invisible' enemy to them. We are everywhere and in every culture and every Church. Also because of this diversity we are extremely unorganized so it makes us an easy long term target.
If you look at those who are protesting the health reforms and the president.. most are the same ones that are against us. It never ceases to amaze me how far these so called religious people will go to make money.
Keep up the fantastic work!
At least some people who feel rather powerless in their lives often need to find an outlet for their frustrations. Homosexuals are a favorite because they are perceived to be weak, therefore they provide a safe (hey, fags fight like girls, right? ) target for the ignorant to focus their hatred. Plus gays are the only minority that you can verbally diss without bringing on a full bore governmental intervention.
I think immature people will join in the hateful comments just so they can be part of the crowd. They are seeking approval. And often I think they don't really mean it. They just think it will sound good to the others.
Why does someone start it? Learned behavior from a parent or other role model? Fear?
It's a mystery to me, but I think fear of the unknown probably has at least something to do with it.
I also think that ironically, the success of the gay rights movement, with the attendant publicity, has raised consciousness of the presence of gay people, which has led homophobes to express opinions which otherwise they might not have thought about. I don't intend to blame the victim. I just think it's a fact that publicity triggers explicit opposition.
Anyway, violent homophobia is unfortunately still with us. You did very well to stand up against it. Congratulations.
People tend to dislike others who're different from them, and they dislike change. It's a part of human nature.
There are always two sides to any given thing, and you've seen a very ugly side indeed online. I actually have never encountered such statements because someone invariably sticks up and stays how ridiculous those violent homophobic comments are.
I've got to take exception to Teddytoy's claim that the people who are protesting Obama's health care legislation are homophobes. The people who are protesting are largely old people on fixed incomes who are afraid they will lose their Medicare benefits, and don't trust the government. They'd be joined by a lot of black old people were it not for the fact that the President is black.
well i dont like admitting it but i used to say i hated gays and it was because my dad was like that. deep down i never hated gays, i just said that. and now... i love gays. love them love them, all the gay men i have met have always been so sweet and caring, and see im the type of girl that i flirt with everyone and i dont even notice. so if i flirt with a gay i dont have to worry about him trying to take me home. unless its to play the wii or something lol
My friends said things like that, and then I finally said that was enough. I said, "your friend, who is setting next to you, will do anything for you, is gay. I'm a homo. You have a two choices to make continue to be my friend and stop saying things like that forever or get out of my car right now." I am closer to my friends then ever before. And the funny thing is that when they hear other people saying hateful gay comments they stand up and say that's not cool, I have a gay friend.
To respond to your question I feel that many are indoctrinated to feel this way and "we" (gay people) are an easy target because in the "gamer world" mostly males play so female jabs, disses, and names can easily be worn off by saying I'm not a chick. I hope that makes sense.
Thank you,
Brandon
Essay time. j/k
First I dimly remember playing some online game years ago - one of those shoot-em-ups, and I kind of recall lots of "you're so gay" comments in a rude way. Of course, I was kicked off moments later because MY latency was not .00000000001 milliseconds to slow.
Anyway I digress. I think the plain old fearful arguement does hold base value, with other issues being layered on top. My first college roommate actually made me promise multiple times that I was not planning on raping him. Not kidding, he was actually fearful. The reason why would be layered on top (not sure why, exactly) what the cause of that fear would be.
But, I think it IS all of the reasons you stated - inherently violent, irrational, ignorant, intimidated, insecure, people who simply cannot deal with it, or who have grown up with such strong beliefs or hatred.
I hope that made sense.
I was sitting outside the other day enjoying a cigarette when some kids going down the street started screaming at each other. I'm not sure what it was all about, but it seemed that the worst insult one of the males could manage against the other was to scream "FAG!" at the top of his lungs. And not just once, several times over I heard this insult. I don't know why, but for some reason it really cut me to the quick. Each time I heard it I felt like a knife had been driven further into my heart.
I'm not sure why some people hate us the way they do. I've often wondered if it's merely because we're easy and obvious fodder for insults and hate. Something along the scapegoat lines. Perhaps it's also just because we're different, and the knee-jerk reaction to "the other" seems to usually be one of distrust and dislike.
I'm not sure what the reason is, there seem to be some very good guesses here. What I do know is that I wish others could realize (feel?) the same hate they spew. I wish those spewing the hate would change.
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