Gay Stereotypes and Gaydar (Day 5)

It's now time to talk about gaydar. The first time someone came out to me (I was 15), he slipped it into the conversation so casually and subtly that I almost missed it. I made him pause and we talked about it for a bit (mostly who else knows etc etc), but I recall that the nagging question I had was “Do gay people have better gaydar?” Unfortunately, I never asked this question because I thought it would be inappropriate.

However, when I came out to my friend this past June, I encouraged her to ask questions and discuss it with me, and I told her not to worry if the questions were appropriate or not, and I told her about how I wanted to ask my other friend if gay people have better gaydar; Her response was “do they?”

My answer to this question is simply, “I don't know.” I have a few theories about it, but nothing definitive. The first theory is not that gay people have better gaydar, but that we are more aware of the gay population. Straight people don't really think about who is gay and who is straight because they assume everyone is gay. However, gay people are aware that there must be some gays around, and they pay attention to signs to figure out who it is.

I think if a straight person sees someone who exhibits some of the stereotypes of being gay, they might not immediately jump to conclusions, but in fact try to make excuses for that person. On the other hand, I think a gay person might pick up on that and be suspicious.

I think that it's easier to understand people who are more similar to you than people who are very different, which is why straight people might more easily overlook a gay person.

Nevertheless, this still all depends on identifying “the signs” of a gay person, and those signs are almost always related to the stereotypes. The problem is that those stereotypes are not very accurate. We have already seen how gay people do not exhibit most of the stereotypes, so how can we use these as a basis for judgment?

My gaydar is pretty bad, and maybe it's the way I apply it. I don't use the stereotypes so much as compare the people I am observing to myself, and I see if there are any telling similarities. Of course, this is an awful system because there are always bound to be a few similarities, and they are rarely telltale signs.

I really wish I had better gaydar. I think it's a major issue because I need to know who is available and who isn't. I'm not really looking to date right now, but in the future, it will become an issue, and I would like to be able to identify my selection. :)

So, my question to the readers is how can you guys tell if someone else is gay?