For so long, I agonized about whether or not I was strong enough to come out. First, I worried about whether I could be successful as an openly gay man. Fortunately, I got over that through my English class and seeing inspiring figures such as Harvey Milk (more on that later). I also love David Sedaris, and he was very influential in helping me get over that sentiment.
Then, I worried about coming out because I was afraid that my secret would race around the school in a matter of days. My solution was to tell a friend who doesn't go to school her, which worked out well. However, I still feel the need to tell my friends.
To be quite honest, I often fantasize about the day when I can just live openly, especially around my friends. I can't wait for when I can say things that I just cannot say while I am in the closet (e.g: I think that Taylor Lautner is way hotter than Robert Pattinson. Pattinson is too pasty for me).
For a time, I was able to convince myself that my 4 best friends were trustworthy enough to hold my secret, but Brad's experience is suggesting otherwise. I am still telling myself that my friends will be able to keep the secret, especially if I explain to them the seriousness of this. I think that a lot of (straight) people simply don't understand how significant an issue this is to me. They simply cannot relate.
Nevertheless, I have a feeling that my secret won't last long with my friends. This is troubling to me, because I need to tell my parents before everyone at school finds out. My school is so close-knit that if the kids at school found out, my parents would find out from another parent before the week was out, and that is the ABSOLUTE worst way for a parent to discover that their son is gay.
I want my close friends to know before I tell my parents because they will be able to support me, but if my friends tell the school within 2 weeks, then I only get 2 weeks to tell my parents, and I don't think that this sort of thing should be put on a timetable.
Those are just my rambling thoughts on this whole situation. What do you guys think? First of all, who is hotter: Pattinson or Lautner? Second, what's your take on the situation?
Taylor Lautner
Robert Pattinson
16 comments:
Pattinson looks sleazy to me. Maybe he really does suck blood.
As for the second question, I say family always comes first.
You really need to go at your own pace, but that being said there is never going to be a perfect time to come out. You will just wake up one day and decide "fuck what everyone else thinks, this is my life and if you don't like it you were never really my friend". Telling your family is tough, you never know just how they will take it, but in my experience most times parents have an inkling that you are gay. Good luck.
Taylor Lautner is definitely hotter than Robert.
For the second question, maybe you should wait and come out when you're in college. People are more mature and not so "close"
Definitely Taylor Lautner!
Coming out is a bit like learning to swim. You can only do it in the water and there is the risk that you might drown.
With your chatty friends, you seem to have no chance but to start at home or in other words: in the deep water with riptide.
Lautner, by large.
And regarding the other topic, I guess that all of them have already hints, although they've surely rationalised them into something "nicer". It's almost impossible to know someone closely without getting clues about if he's closeting something (either skeletons or being gay). So if coming out is so important for you I'd begin with the person who is more trustful for you, and then the other in a quick sucession (before the bird has scaped from the cage). It'd hurt their feelings if they find you've chosen to tell someone else AND not them, therefore the quicker the better.
And yes, maybe friends before and then family is the right order to announce it.
Taylor Lautner.
IMO you should tell your folks when you are ready to. Then tell your friends. Ot might be nice to be out this year in school as a kind of support for Brad, but he'll probably be okay anyway.
idkwhatsthat makes a good point about people in college being more mature. And it's not so exciting to them since they haven't known you for years. And it probably won't get back to your parents.
So do what you want about telling your friends, but tell your folks first so it won't reach them through the grapevine (which could work a lot faster than two weeks).
when in doubt dont...come out. DO it w/rents first.
what r the rents like?
religious?
conservative in general
progressive?
like how did they vote on our prop8?
like Obama?
have gay friends?
Or easily accept "minorities" w/o even thinking about it?
have good friends who r "non-white"
From the little i know about you
...if forced to guess i'd say they would not flip out...
and if yer mom is smart and perceptive as most women are... she knows anyway. 50+% chance in general in normal families... w/e that is. LOL
lets talk soon...
steevo
Deff COME OUT!
I'd do it slightly differently than my good friends above - I WOULD go for a trusted close friend who I thought MIGHT be OK about the news.
A girl is often good for this!
That way, if you go ahead and tell the parents and close friends (all of a lump if I were you!) THEN you've at least got ONE person on whose shoulder you can go and cry if they all turn out to be a bunch of jerks.
But I'm sure they're not and it will only take a bit of time for them to come back to seeing you as you are and being supportive and good friends / family again.
But one person who you can fall back on and tell all about it should you need to, is a great insurance policy.
And, in case you don't know, I used to work in gay rights in the UK (for years that was) and I have a Civil Partner in Pete and we've been together for eight years or so, now.
So I know absolutely nothing about this subject.
hmmm
coming out
ugh
i just started thinking about my coming out... and my stomach's already it knots >.<
i would just say, dont be rushed... :/
and tbh i dont think either of them are 'hot' ... though i would prefer to look at pattinson as he looks more 'handsome'. i dont mind lack ot tan, lol
If you need world-wide karmic support, aim for National Coming Out Day on October 11. Sure, it's after your self-pledged deadline, but it's a worthy target date if you need to further feel things out and psych yourself up.
lautner for sure :D he has a great smile lol and pattinson looks like a druggie to me XD
and i actually finally came out to 3 of my friends this week, i was only planning on telling my best friend but then she thought it was a joke so i came out to 2 of my other very close friends hoping that would convince her lol i never thought coming out would be this hard XD but yeah it wasnt that bad i mean they said they will keep my secret (i hope) and i felt so relieved after :D maybe you should come out to brad first because i guess another gay person wouldnt out someone else lol i could be wrong though.... anyway its totally ur decision and only you know when you're ready :]
so remember Micky is an activist! He is a shit disturber by nature. And we need him as a family.
But you are jason. You decide FFS.
I think the idea of a very good friend is ok, but how sure r u she is trustworthy. Chicks gossip, not that doods dont.XD
Have friends ever hinted that they think u r gay or bi?
HS culture can be bad and nasty or ok. Does yer school have a GSA?
Does ASB support anything gay? Like day of silence or pink shirt day?
How r out gays treated there? Lez folk?
Is there 1 teacher you admire and trust? Talk to him/her. You can get inside advice on how the admin might protect and/or support u. They often have inside info and good insight on what to expect.
ok
i am online next few hours watching a ball game.
steevo
The first thing that occurred to me hasn't been mentioned by anyone.
Get ready to tell your friends and family both. Shoot for a Friday afternoon to tell your friends so the news can't start racing around the school 'til Monday. Then, tell your family either that night or over the weekend.
I know that's a lot of coming out to do at once and not even close to how I did it, but I was long out of school before I was out.
I have no clue who those two guys are but, my God, if Taylor had been at my school, I would've followed him everywhere. Robert, on the other hand, um, no.
Lautner is hotter. And coming out in college like mentioned above sounds like a good idea actually.
Fresh start, away from parents?, new people, new everything, an identity you can forge by your own choices and not by the choices made for you.
Coming out can be quite arduous and nerve-wracking for some (many) people. Don't rush it. There is no deadline, as it were. If it feels right and you're comfortable telling a select group of friends, then you will know.
You know how strong or not your friendship is with each of your friends. Assess that carefully, and have a backup for when things don't go as planned.
Best of luck man. *Hugs*
Jason
hey dont rush this and is it really important fo rthese frinds to know becasue next year when you are in college there will be a whole new set of friends so go slow and take it easy
Lautner is better, take care ad be safe
bob
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