Remember how I was telling you about my friend Brad? He is the one who came out to a few close friends and I think everyone at school will have found out by the time school starts. If you haven't read the post, you can read it here.
I just wanted to update you all on his situation. I was hanging out with my best friend Katie the other day, and I asked if Brad had told my other best friend Nick, and she said yes. She then informed me that Brad's parents had found out.
You see, Brad writes a blog, just as I do, but his blog is more general. I know that a few of my classmates read his blog, but I never bothered to do so. I guess he came out on his blog, and then someone went and told his parents to check his blog.
I guess his parents checked his blog and found out and then confronted him about it. This sounds like a horrible scenario. I would be absolutely devastated if someone confronted me about being gay. I am of the believe that being gay is my secret and it is my right to tell people, so I hate it when people try to usurp that, even if they mean well.
His parents are SUPER religious. His mom is sick, as I mentioned, so she gets disability leave from work. All she does is go to Bible study all day long and then come home and read the Bible some more. Also, her license plate says GodWord.
Now, being religious is not a problem, it's just that this family prescribes to the “gays are sinners” belief. His parents did not throw him out, thank god, but Katie thinks they will probably try to send him to therapy, and she thinks it will be the kind that tries to stamp the homosexuality out of you.
I guess things didn't go so well for him, and I hope things get better. I haven't had a chance to talk to him, but I am admiring him more for all of this. Going through this and surviving is a big deal, and he is inspiring me a lot. I guess I look at my parents and realize that I have it easy, and if he can do it, then so can I.
19 comments:
Justin, I haven´t and won´t read this post, but reading the bible can be a solution to peepz. I did it, and s/what later I read the qur´an. Somehow I prefer the Holy Bible over the qur´an, but only as a catholic and gonna-be laicist brother of the Societa Jesu. Propz Pilgrim
I'm not saying the Bible is a bad thing, I'm just using it as evidence for statement that his parents are very religious.
That said, there are plenty of religious people out there that are supportive of gays and gay rights. In the end, it all comes down to interpretation.
You live in Cali; (north or South?), where almost everything is seen by liberal eyes. In a future post I want to throw a light on the bilical and qur´an on homosexuality. You´ll be astounded.
Just found your locality, and I think I was already there during IMYTA 2003 as a daytrip off the rollerblading. Nice area! :-) May I txt you pm.?
When we are confronted with problems we can often find them overwhelming -- feeling so alone. Unfortunately, some people prey on us when we are most vulnerable.
When I face problems I've always taken comfort from the certain fact that someone else will have confronted the same issue before, but as likely as not in even worse circumstances than me. And no matter what I'm dealing with, the chances are nothing I will do will cause anyone to die -- so how terrible is this problem anyway?
When I was coming out I read a lot of coming out stories and watched every gay film I could lay my hands on -- movies like The Naked Civil Servant depict the horrors that confronted gay people in the early years of the 20th century, far worse than anything I would have to tackle. And yet gay people have survived and thrived.
The idea that we are not alone -- that you are not alone -- can help to ease the fear, and you're already deriving some solace from Brad's story.
I guess the issue with Brad is that he probably shouldn't have published things on the web in his own name if he didn't mind the whole world seeing them. You may as well print everything on a giant billboard poster and have it put up on the highway. But it sounds like he's learning that lesson a hard way.
Good luck!
Wow, poor Brad. :( That sounds rough. "Therapy" doesn't work, and even major psychology associations denounce it as being potentially harmful.
I think you should go talk to him and offer him some consoling, or something. Just let him know that you're there for him. I think he needs the support that it seems his parents don't want to give.
I hope Brad will be able to endure whatever his parents come up with. It can be very difficult. As you know, I don't think gay sex is the right thing to do, but he has to form his own conscience about what is right and wrong as honestly as he can and then follow it. Hopefully he'll be able to convince his parents that how he lives is his responsibility, not theirs, and to let them know that he has seriously thought about their views. Of course, the more of their view he can agree with, the better for their relationship.
Do not ever take seriously anybody who says they believe what the Bible says as far as how we live our lives.
All "religions" are power-driven and want to take over peoples' lives. You can respect them if you feel better that way but never take them seriously or let them interfere or tell you what is what.
Best wishes from a sensible old gay atheist. Come out in your own time and don't let them get at you!
@C/Mark: IMHO painting All "religions" as power-driven is a bit extreme. Religions r sets of ideas and values. People CAN follow a religion and not be power-driven. I am a Christian by culture and values. What is on the other side IDK!
Jason: You say your are keeping a "secret". I think of it as maintaining your PRIVACY.
I say go talk to Brad even tho he does not know that you know but if it is on his blog that's a moot point.
He needs comfort and support. You dont hafta come out to him to support him. What would you want if u were in his shoes?
Check his blog to be sure, and if he did, you could then comment and maybe say u r available if he wants to talk. If his gaydar is 50% he prolly knows u r likely gaY ANYWAY.
STEEVO
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steevo
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Like Steevo and AEK said, talk to him, find out how well he really is surviving. There's nothing more lonely than being in that kind of judgemental environment.
This is a time in his life when he needs the support of friends more than any other. I know he hasn't been a close friend, but now is the time your support might make a real difference.
In the last 2-3 months just about every other blog I've read that is written by a young gay person who is living with his or her parents has described intense psychological abuse inflicted by parents who are religious fanatics. Each time I read one of these stories it makes my blood boil, to the point that I have nothing but contempt for organized religion. They do some good in their communities, but most of them are little more than bigoted, sanctimonious social clubs. For a sample of big time abuse, check out the back pages of Landyn, of the blog Stuck in the Middle. Several weeks ago his fundamentalist parents kicked him out of the house.
Some interesting views on religion have been left recently at the sites of Justin O'Shea of Justin Dunes, and at dazegonebi.blogspot.com.
I have been especially concerned about Landyn, who hasn't posted recently and suffers from depression. Is there any wonder the suicide rate for gay teens is so high? You can lay much of it at the feet of these religious devils who have no more of a working sense of decency than does a pit viper. That is why we've got to reach out and support these young people whenever we encounter them.
J
Sounds like this Brad fellow might need a friend right now, not because he's gay and you're too, but you'd want someone with you if you where in his situation, I agree with Steevo, Aek and Billy in that, I do not wish it onto anyone and hope he does find people that does not label him as a sinner or a mistake as many have and are able to bring some support.
It really saddens me that his own family isn't going to support him in this, as he's the same son they had some years ago, the exact same son they had last week and the same son they'll have for the rest of their lives. Japanese ppl say: "One kind word warms three winter months", hope you're able to find it in your heart to talk to him and wish him the best on my behalf.
A hug to you and another to Brad =)
Me
I am going to Disneyland with some friends in 2 weeks, and he will be there too, so I will see if I can talk to him there. Of course, it may be tough with all the other people around, so I guess I will have to be a seat partner on some ride in order to chat. Of course, Space Mountain is not the best place for a heart to heart.
You, me and your friend Brad are all doing the same thing. We're blogging about being gay without actually telling anyone that we're gay. And reading about your friend Brad getting outted by someone stumbling onto his blog, got me to thinking. What's going to happen when some one in my small town stumbles across my blog?
The Coffee Cup Cafe, (the gossip center of my town) will probably be SRO and the price of a cup of coffee will double!
@J: I share your contempt for a the religious fanatics, but it is "throwing the baby out with the bathwater" to conclude that all religions are the same. Just aint tru! There are some!
http://www.gladalliance.org/oaa.html
Send him an email. Just general like, "hey, I hear you're having a hard time atm ...think you're brave ...here for you if you need support"
@billy... brilliant idea. Seriously. Gives Brad all th options he wants on how to respond. Even if he is not responding to anyone, he knows 1 person, sweet jason, understands and cares.
Well, two can play Brad's parents' game. *I* will pray that Brad has the strength and courage to stand strong, that his parents don't try to "fix" him, and that, no matter what, Brad will be safe from harm. I believe that my God made Brad the way he is, and that He loves him the way he is. I wonder what Brad's parents' think of their god?...
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