I've decided that I'm going to come out to my parents and closest 4 or 5 friends. They are very trustworthy, and we are a close-knit group, so I don't think they'd gossip much, and if they did, it would only be with people who already know.
I haven't decided who to tell first, parents or friends, and at this point, I don't really care. I think I will just tell whoever gives me the opportunity.
The thing I need to think about now is should I tell my closest friends all at once or individually?
There is something to be said for telling them individually because then we can talk about different issues. On the other hand, it will probably be more awkward.
Telling them all at once would be nice because I wouldn't have to do the same thing over and over again. Also, I think it would be more comfortable for them because they can all react together.
The first time someone came out to me, I was with another friend, and the other friend already knew, so I felt out of the loop/more surprised and isolated. It was just more awkward.
Also, they will know who already knows, and I don't have to worry about one close friend telling another one of my close friends because they will all know at the same time.
Right now, I'm leaning to telling them all at once. I think I will call my bff who I already told and ask her for advice. What are your thoughts?
15 comments:
I'd say coming out to one friend at a time in 'quick' succession. I think that it allows each friend to ask any 'important' or personal questions.
And while it might become repetitive, coming out to friends isn't just about you; it's an event that greatly impact both parties, so take your time, and give each friend his or her chance.
But in the end, it's your life; and you obviously know your friends better than anyone else. I can only share my own experience.
Whatever you do, it'll all turn out great in the end. Best wishes,
~Louie
Personaly I say come out to your parents first. I know know that, even though he knew before I told him, that it hurt my dad a great deal that I wasn't honest with him for so long.
Having said that, like Louie said, it is your life mate. You should do what feels right for you.
So I wish you luck...,
Courage and Honour,
Octavius.
By the way, I have linked your blog on mine, just thought I should let you know.
One at a time. If one friend has an issue or problem understanding, then he/she wont feel like it is necessary to hold back. Better to do it right than quickly.
How about a coming out party? :-) The best possibility in my view. Propz Pilgrim
@pilgrim:
I LOVE IT. PARTY! I think Jason has the style to do it. It would be memorable and a lotta fun.
I can imagine all sorts of ways to set it up.
It could be very "camp" if you know what I mean. *Is that still in the gay vocabulary?*
lol
So, Jason, you want some suggestions?
steevo
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My own favourite way (apart from the party, perhaps!)is to tell just one person first. This wants to be someone on whose shoulder you could cry if the second person you told were to sock you one and walk out.
This especially might apply to telling parents. The only other point is that I don't suppose you want your parents hearing they have a gay son from someone else.
In that case you need to tell them second - and then your other friends third - or at a Coming Out Party.
It would be fun because if you look up Débutante on Google you'll see what I mean!
im so glad you are coming out. i think u should tell one friend at a time. because then they can ask u questions, where as when they are together if one decides to be upset at first, then they all might. im so proud of u for coming out its very brave of you.
parents first.
then a coming out party to tell all at once.
wouldn't be at all surprised if they already 'know', or at least aren't surprised
good luck with it. hope it goes well for you obviously. steevo raises good arguments about telling them individually. tough call
take care
torchy!
It seems to me that the question about friends depends on how regularly the people you want are together with you. While a party sounds like fun, I personally wouldn't want the hassle of making all the arrangements, getting the party favors (jk). I favor convenience.
One advantage of telling them at once is they don't have to go to someone else and say, "OMG, have you heard about Jason?!!!" "No? Well, keep this confidential, but he just told me he's gay!" They know who knows, and they can talk about it among themselves."
The other thing is, when you tell somebody, the clock starts ticking. Unless you're really certain that they won't breathe a word to anyone else, I'd say you've got 24 hours to tell your folks before there is some possibility they'll hear it through the grapevine.
Start with your mother if you're more comfortable telling her than your dad.
JMO. And in six months it probably won't make a bit of difference what order you did it in.
One at a time. Everyone's response will be important to you and this gives you both the chance to talk about it properly.
Once you start you'll need to tell your parents quickly, so I'd start with them as that will be the hardest one.
You'll be coming out for the rest of your life. It's never easy, but it means relationships with new people begin with honesty.
I have no advice for you other than this: do what feels right and do it when the opportunity arises. A lot of times it'd be just awkward to go, "Oh hey everyone, I'm gay." Best of luck with everything.
jason
hey this is aig steopa nd i hope it goes well, i can see good points on both ways
just make sure you are ready and then well tell people as you feel comfortable
take care and be safe
bob
First of all I must say what you're doing here: sharing your whole coming-out experience to the world is vety admirable.
Back to the topic of your post:
I can only speak through my own experience when I came out. I decided that I would just 'rip the band aid'.
I have a very close group of friends and I told them all at once on my 18th birthday, and I later told my parents the day after. The reason why I did so was that I had imagined the worst outcome, being that my parents would have a hard time accepting me and at worst kicking me out, so I decided to tell my friends just in case so that I would have someone to lean back on if that happened.
Maybe you have a close friend that you know doesn't have an issue with the gay community to who you come out to, and later that person can be a support when you tell the rest of your friends, just so ju don't feel vulnerable because that was how I felt when I told my friend. Knowing that you have that persons support might calm your nerves :)
I read a few posts of your journal. I think everybody's outing process is slightly different, but I do know one thing that is the same.
Basically the "Brad" scenario of telling a friend. Then it spreading like wild fire.
It happens that way all of the time in schools where not may gay people are out.
I suggest to you, when you are ready to come out. Be ready for EVERYBODY to know. You will tell a couple close friends, as you said, but it will go through your class, school, and graduated students like wild fire. It's news! And people like to talk.
All I am saying is be prepared for everybody to know in a very short time.
It's def better to be out, and I'm sure it will go fine for you. I think a small percentage have parents like "Brad". Although, my bf had exactly the same kind (sick mom too!).
Good luck!
Cody
I thought long and hard about this. I had a "trial" coming out with a couple of close friends while on a vacation in Vegas... a month or so later, I invited ~8 other people over to my house, and made my big announcement then. We had a blast, though I did do physical damage to my property. ;-)
I think everyone's story is different. Also, keep in mind that this is a continual process. "Coming out" will be something you'll have to do continually. Whether that's blurting it out, mentioning you boyfriend or partner, or wearing a rainbow pin, you'll end up having to out yourself in random social situations as you go through life.
~G.
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