Topics for today:
- To what extent is homosexuality a part of my identity?- Self-segregation
I believe that identity is the sum of the experiences we go through in our life. Specifically, it is what we take from those experiences that make our identity.
Now, this means that being gay is not a part of your identity, just as being tall is not a part of your identity.
However, the experiences that you go through because of your sexual orientation (or your height or the color of your skin) DO affect your identity. Of course, it depends on what you take from these experiences, but this shows how homosexuality can AFFECT your identity. Indeed, being gay does lead to many unique experiences (the closet, for one), and my homosexuality has had a profound impact on my identity.
Now, let's talk about self-segregation. Our society often talks about the negative aspects of self-segregation, but I reject the notion that we should all be one happy group. First of all, that leads to assimilation, which is nice if you want to “fit in,” but it can lead to a compromise of one's identity or other parts of one's self in order to do so.
Self-segregation makes sense because it is merely a manifestation of the gravitation towards people who have had similar experiences, which explains why it is especially prevalent among minority groups. These groups have often experienced trying times, and it is comforting to have someone who knows how you feel beside you.
That said, we cannot simply stay in our own groups and refuse to branch out. This leads to narrow-mindedness, which leads to bigotry and prejudice. We must find a balance between both ends of the spectrum.
12 comments:
"We must find a balance between both ends of the spectrum."
Yeah we must. But, this is where it gets a bit more tricky...
Most of this is well-said. As for finding a balance, the key is honesty. It's not even that it isn't good to be one big happy group....
Speaking on that, it actually is a good thing to be one happy group. On the surface, I can understand your rejection of the notion, but upon reflection, I have to disagree. You seem to link the idea of liking people or being a happy group to everyone being the same (I believe the word you used was assimilation), however that is not true. My friends and I love each other very much BECAUSE we are different and we have learned to value what those differences bring into a relationship. If you multiply that simple thing a couple of thousand times, you can easily have one big happy anything. It's not about assimilation as it is about acceptance and honesty with one another.
And maybe that's why it's harder.
Self-segregation isn't an answer because that just reflects an attitude of "I'll just run in here and hide for a while because the world out here isn't nice and i don't feel like trying to understand it all the time...."
Assimilation isn't an answer because it denies growth and richness of experience to the whole and the individual.
Identity is a matter of your own perspective. These can be formed by experiences, yes, but I am a living example of an identity that exists as a direct contrast to my own experiences.
To be honest, both of the subjects you speak of need more depth of thought and I'm sure you will get to that. The answers here don't get deep enough, but then maybe you weren't trying to be.
This is a way of self - segregation! Propz Pilgrim
This is a way of self - segregation! Propz Pilgrim
I once heard it said somewhere that from fraternity comes liberty and equality.
I like my straight (mostly male) friends, and happily, they like me, so that's lucky. Though nothing wrong in hanging out with 'the gays' either, in my opinion.
Self-segregation, though, is not always what is wanted.
I had someone ask me recently why there was a Gay Games? Wasn't that exclusionary and discriminatory? I asked him how many out athletes he knew about, then I explained the Gay Games exist because we are generally not welcome in the sporting world.
Some people have wanted to know why we have our own bars? Why are we ghettoizing ourselves? I've responded that we're generally not welcome in bars that cater to a straight clientele, unless we keep our orientation secret.
I've posted a bit on a local message board for people who like camping, hunting & fishing. I neither hunt nor fish but I do enjoy camping occasionally.
First, I was asked why we gays separate ourselves, as though we think we are better than they. Not long after, less than a week, I'm sure, it was suggested that I find a gay camping group and go away.
So . . . we deliberately set ourselves outside mainstream society, in some respects, and are criticized for it. But when we want to join in, we're told to get the fuck out; we're not welcome.
Sorry, that was kinda rambly . . .
As someone who came out later in life, I have spent most of my life with straight friends (all accepting of me being gay) but since coming out I long for the fun of hanging with people who have been what I have been through.
Never feel bad for wanting to be with people who understand similar experiences and desires.
To start off I would like to add to your identity topic my opinion that Identity, although as you have said it can and is affected by our experiences, is also a part of us that is a choice. I feel that no matter what we have gone through and where we plan to take our lives that we can always choose what our identity will be and that no matter what, we are who we choose to be.
On the subject of self-segregation I disagree with the rationale that being part of one big happy group leads to assimilation. Because you can be part of a big, happy group willingly, yet choose to be a different, yet peacefully different individual. My example of this is that when I hang out with my friends (a group in which I am the only gay) I fit in because I enjoy all the same things they do, but i make myself unique in the fact that I am the comedian of the group (they have no jokes! lol).
I also point out that, as you touched on, going towards a group of individuals who share your same interests is in a sense an action that implies your desire to be part of a "big happy group" in which you are all the same and thus get along well together.
A rebuttal is welcome
Lots of love and Happy Monday,
Ryan
Friendship is key, Carwin. Str8 friends can still be friends. Gay friends might be lovers but can also remain friends. Be honest about how u feel about ur friends is the best u can do. Having friends who care about u and vice versa is the greatest. True friendship is beautiful. Take care, man, you are doing OK :)
At the flagship campus of a major university where I did undergrad, many if not most black students self-segregrated. They sat as a group at the student union, at the dining hall, at sporting and other campus events. While I can understand why it might be easier, it defeats one of the major reasons for a university education - the sharing of ideas, cultures, backgrounds, experiences. Extrapolate.
Post a Comment