Yesterday, I got an email reminding me not to restrict myself to friends exclusively in the gay community nor to allow my sexual orientation to define the boundaries of my life. I would like to take this time to explain my philosophies on this topic.
I agree that having more diverse friends is desirable, but I disagree that only having gay friends is “bad.” We rarely hear criticism for “only having straight friends,” so why does this double standard exist? You should be friends with whomever you enjoy being around. If those people happen to be of the same orientation as you, great for you. If those people happen to have a variety of orientations, then great for you too.
As for the second statement, I agree that I should not allow my sexuality to limit me. However, I recognize that being gay may place some limitations on me. The fact of the matter is that a significant amount of homophobia exists in this world, and there is very little I can do to change that. However, this does not mean I will give up. I will still work just as hard as I previously planned to, and I will not scale back my ambitions because of my homosexuality.
Lastly, I want to clarify something in my last post. I believe that the person sending the email interpreted my friendship with Brad as a sign that I was becoming someone who only hung out with gay folk. In reality, I hang out with many different people, but I know that Brad is the only person that can understand/comprehend me when I want to talk about certain topics. My friends know me very well, but I know they won't be interested in most of the things that Brad and I talk about.
Like everybody else, I have many different friends, and I know that some topics are only relevant to certain people.
13 comments:
I totally agree with you...
I didn't get that from your last post. You only said that you and your gay friend had and extended conversation about gay topics. Big deal.
You've recently come out of the closet. You need "gay time" too.
You haven't turned your back on your straight friends.
Do what feels right.
Sometime back a blogger whom I hold in high regard published a picture of a sign posted at a beach that said "No Breeders!" It might have been posted at a gay beach, but the motivation behind it was no different than that possessed by people in American history who posted "Whites only", "No Chinese" and "No Irish need apply" signs. Gay people do have to try harder for acceptance in this world. Segregating themselves and, in some instances, holding straights in contempt will not serve that cause, nor will it make gays better human beings. Even Malcolm X came to understand the limitation of such self segregation before he was assassinated.
I guess that puts too fine a point on the matter, so don't stop having fun.
Very well said, Jason.
You choose your own friends.
- Lloyd
I agree with you
I know some people in my family that will ONLY have straight friends. And would not care for gay ones
Me I'll take what I get and if they are ALL gay so be it.
I didn't thing I would have to explain this to someone in the gay community but I guess I'm wrong; your sexuality is apart of you but NOT you
I don't want to sound harsh but it's just annoys me that it would be brought up at all
I think you're totally right
I don't know how much perspective I have to offer in saying this, but in some ways, that's the natural order of things.
Though the ideal is to have a diverse group of friends, my original, almost entirely straight pool of friends has shrank significantly in the past two years. Many of them have paired off and gotten married. Others have distanced themselves because of my sexuality. In that time, though, a number of LGBT friends have entered my life and remained because we share such similar struggles, drama, etc. They can support me and help me in many ways that my straight friends could not.
As a general rule, though: the more friends the merrier.
Thanks for all the comments, people. I liked what you had to say, Ethan, and my next post will address it. I think I have already written on identity and being gay and how they are related, but I cannot remember.
The shared experience of being an out gay man leads to a nice camaraderie. I've known closeted bisexual men who resent missing out on this. But their boundaries are not limited by the difficulties around families and having kids, or by homophobia. I'd gladly give up one for the other.
I didn't get that at all but I liked what J said about Whites only, etc. As a gay Mormon in a post Proposition 8 world it is interesting to see how the gay world discriminates (bad choice of word) against the Mormons and vice-a-versa. I think you are fine to have as many gay friends as you think you should have, but be careful not to exclude others because they are straight (like you ever would!)
Yeah! What Mr. EdwinaHugh said!
Very well written Jason.. I agree with your point of view... I wish I had a few more gay friends..
Right on "J" and "BB." Self-segregation and exclusion is not the answer. Jason, sometimes I'm am troubled by your thought processes (granted I can only view them through the "soda straw" of your blog.) It seems that you are more affected by the "company line" of the old guard gay establishment. Think for yourself. Observe. Find your own voice. Do as you please. Never hurt.
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