I Finally Spoke With My Parents

Sorry for my extended absence. I've been busy (not related to coming out). Alright, let's go back in time:

I got home from school on Friday at around 4:00. I had just concluded a 2 hours lunch with some friends, and Brad (he's openly gay) was there. It was nice to chat with him about this, but I didn't get to talk to him much. Earlier in the day, my mother texted me saying that she knew I had come out and asking me about it. I replied that we would talk later.

I got home and started talking with my mom. I told her about the essay and about everyone's strong support. While I speaking, she began to cry. I don't think they were tears of sadness or of joy; I think they were tears of emotion. She was terrified about how people would treat me after coming out. She choked out, “Your world is so different from my world. You're so lucky.”

At this point, my father entered, and I had to repeat the entire story. He said he was proud of me.

We then proceeded to talk about stuff, including my career (is this all they think about?). My dad wants me to do something where I will be my own boss. He said that there is significant discrimination in corporations, and he wants me away from that.

We also made plans to tell my 9 year-old brother. My parents will tell him on Sunday and I will chat with him about it in a one-on-one situation.

Near the end of the conversation, my dad started talking about some books he had read. Apparently, after I came out, he picked up lots of books about homosexuality and coming out. I had mixed emotions about this. I'm glad that he sought to educate himself on the matter, but I'm disappointed that his acceptance had to come from a book and not himself.

Later that night, my mom told me that she told had told her work group about this. She said they were supportive, and some of the emailed stories about their gay family members (two of them have gay brothers).

My mom told me a story about one of these gay brothers and his partner. She ended the story with “and that showed me that gay people can lead normal lives.” I was a little distraught about this, but I guess it makes sense. It never crossed my mind that coming out would lead to depression and loneliness, but my mom and dad grew up in an era when that was the stereotype. Gay people died of AIDS at a young age and with nobody at their bedside. They lived sad, abnormal lives.

My mom and I also talked about how my extended family would react. We concluded the following:

On my Mother's Side
Grandma: Unhappy at first, but hopefully will accept it
Grandpa: Unhappy at first, but hopefully will accept it
Uncles/Aunts: Upset. They are religious

On My Father's Side
Grandfather: we're not sure... He's paying for my college, so I hope he's OK.
Grandmother (White side): Probably upset. Voted Yes on 8. VERY religious.
Grandfather's Second Wife (White Side): probably upset. Very religious. Is from the South.
Uncles/Aunts: Probably uncomfortable, but shouldn't be too bad.

Before leaving, my mom mentioned how my dad felt about me coming out. He knows that his friends will find out, because his friends all have kids that are my age, and this upsets him. His friends are very conservative/religious, and I he's worried that he'll lose his friends. This really hurts me because it's not fair to him. My coming out should not affect his life so deeply, but alas, that's the world we live in.