It's official, I prefer being in an insular, exclusive group over inviting everyone and anyone to fraternize with me.
Hanging out with other people is great , but it becomes troublesome when their problems start becoming my problems.
I'm much more comfortable being in a small group of very close friends which has a few problems, but isn't in one of those complex excessively dramatic high-school groups. I know images of thirteen year-old girls have all popped into your heads, but you have to remember: All groups have internal dramas. Even the jockiest of the jocks have these problems.
I'm perfectly happy in my little group. I guess that makes me a sheep instead of a go-get 'em goat, but I'm fine with that. I'm a happy sheep.
Don't get me wrong, my group isn't homogenous. We have significant levels of internal diversity, but I just am tired of forcing myself to extend out towards others. This has only caused internal strife within my friends, and I value my close friends far more than any of the others at my school.
I know that about 85% of you reading this right now are horrified at what I have said. I must be some sort of racist bigot who wants to enclose himself in a small shell and keep everyone else out.
And maybe I am.
But I don't see myself that way. I see myself as someone who is incredibly happy with his life. I don't really care too much about what people want to define me as. Of course, I want to be well liked, but I'm not going to compromise my happiness for that.
In the end, when Death comes to carry me off, I will look back and ask myself if I led the life I wanted. I won't ask anyone else, which is why I'm turning more inward to figure out if I am truly happy. Like I said, approval from others is great, but it's pretty much worthless in the long run.
P.S. Sorry for the random post that led nowhere and never got off the ground. I just sat down and wrote, and that's what came out.
16 comments:
It sounds as if you got some growing self-awareness going on here.
FWIW, I think having some close friendships is probably more important than being "a mile wide and an inch deep" in your friendships. So I don't think you need to feel at all apologetic about it.
Presumably you'll make new friends at college. Maybe you will replicate your high school experience of a circle of friend, or maybe your closest friends won't all be close friends with each other — more a matter of intersecting circles. But however it happens, enjoy the friendships.
And I also agree that you should live the life that you can look back on with satisfaction. Take other peoples' thoughts as suggestions for you to think about. But you're "the decider."
I'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is exactly. I don't really have anything to say as a comment either, lol.
I think everyone has a small core group of friends though.
I feel like I really get this-- but maybe I have different reasons for acting the way that I do.
I don't spend time trying to bring other friends into my group because I dont want to invest the time. Nor do I want to risk being a 'bad friend' to any prospective new friends by neglecting them. One could view this as selfishness, but (like you) I view this more as: I have found a way to coexist and meet _my_ needs and be a positive influence and support person for my (few) close friends. I don't want to give up any more of my time, and obviously the price for that is the risk that I have fewer friends. I think that's acceptable. In the meantime, I have the appropriate amount of time to do the things that I want to do (personal accomplishment and learning, professional development, etc.).
It's probably a useful thought exercise, none the less. I agree that 'typical' people probably would view this as rude or 'bad'...
Steve
My sister once denounced me for being an "intellectual snob". Too true, Sis! So from one intellectual snob to another, I lift my glass. All that egalitarian comradery can be damned boring.
I have some friends that are easy going, go with the flow type of people then there are those that I call high maintenance types. I agree with you that it would be nice to get rid of all the high maintenance types but it is hard. I only have a few so it is workable. I think as you get older and your core group begins to move about you will once again be evaluating your circumstances. Good luck. I always say people can screw up a one way street!!
Hello. I am one of those outgoing very friendly people who some how manages to make friends and enjoy everyones company. I like that and enjoy all the people I meet for the most part. Not to say there are not people I have met I would rather not meet again.
What I missed somewhere in the post is why not extending your social circle makes you a racist bigot. I did not see where you decided your friends based on race, or did I miss something?
Best wishes,
Scottie
"P.S. Sorry for the random post that led nowhere and never got off the ground. I just sat down and wrote, and that's what came out."
That's what makes your blogs so good, Jason! Don't be sorry :-)
Some guys just click :) As simple as that. I think Anne Shirley would call that bosom friends.
And all this time I was hoping that you and I could be friends too, but now I know that this could never be. No wonder you always ignore me. I'm just not good enough.
There is nothing wrong with befriending a small group of others rather than trying to be the one with the most friends.
Having a few close friends you can count on will mean more in life than hundreds of superficial friendships.
And don't apologize for how you self-affiliate (I like this better than "self-stereotype"). You should always be free to chose who you associate with. This is much different than bigotry or racism or prejudice. Those are about how you judge and treat people differently because they are different physically, religiously, racially, etc...
Your last part about death is what made me think of the quantity of friends. A play on t-shirts/bumperstickers a few years ago... "The one who dies with the most toys wins!" except that doesn't work that way with friends - the one with the most friends usually die alone. I'd rather be with a couple true friends and family when I die.
Anyway, have a great weekend.
You sound a bit like you desire an ivory tower. :-D Propz Pilgrim
Exactly why I decided not to join a fraternity, or count how many Facebook "friends" I have. Invest the quality time with the people that you want / need the most.
It's a healthy thing to love yourself first, think of yourself first, and make yourself happy, first. Until you are at peace and in balance with yourself, you can't help or serve anyone else in life. It's totally insane to feel guilty about anyone else's probs until you have a secure handle on your own stuff.
About friends - the really good close ones will always accept you as you are. The rest...........whatever.
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